Mindset, certainty and KONE elevators

You know those awkward moments when your mindset takes control over the certainty? That’s exactly what happened to me today morning. I had a chance to make the right move. But, I didn’t. Instead, I asked my brains to shut up and did exactly what I wasn’t supposed to do. Not sure if Sigmund Freud has explained this; Not sure how you’d rate my stupidity after reading this; I had no choice but to feel terrible. 

Scene 1: (A week ago)I was reading newspaper and came across a column where the news of one Nithin Rai Chitransh with 15 others had been the victims of a lift free fall from 7^th floor in Fidelity office in Bangalore. I have a friend with the same name who works for the same company. For a second I wanted to call him to make sure everything’s alright. But the other side of my brain said that I’m probably thinking too much. My mindset said to me that “Arrey, from the day I started working on a brain application that identifies Alzheimer’s, I’ve been thinking very negatively; Saala Nithin ko kya ho sakta hai?” and I kept quiet.

Scene 2: (Today), while chatting on facebook with Nithin Rai Chitransh:

Me: Yaar, Maine padha paper main ki koi Nithin Rai Chitransh Fidelity me kaam karnewala gir gaya lift se” …“Kahin wo tum to Nahin?” . (I asked him so casually with so much of conviction that it’s not him)

Nithin:“ Kamine kutte... Itni fikar thi too call kar leta. Haa mai hee hoon.. Sale dost bolte hoo.. 9 floors ka free fall aur phir right leg ki surgery..

I couldn’t believe it! I called Neelu and had it confirmed that it was indeed him. That was the moment of shame. That was my inability to see something that was genuinely obvious. Though this was lodged in that part of my mind where fantasy was permissible, the revelation was awkward. Now I really cannot ascertain if the way I handled things was right or not; but certainly, I’ve started doubting my state of mind. If I had 100 Nithin Rai chitranshs who work in Fidelity, I’d have justified this. How could I not gauge the circumstances with presence of mind? How couldn’t I handle a situation of this simple triviality with ease? Never was there a time where I felt this bad. Perhaps more so to me because in past, I’ve laughed at people who are driven by emotions.

Now he’s had his surgery and recuperating and Fidelity his supporting him in all the possible ways. Thank heavens. This incident may be just another incident for you. But for me, on the other hand, it’s spectacular how life teaches us lessons! A man’s true potential arises when he encounters something which pushes him into the need for self examination and self explanation. The situation may or may not be subtle; but it’s our mindset that decides if it is gentle, poetic, volatile or cruel. The experience was not a pleasant one, but what I learnt, I thought is worth a share! And of course, “Nithin, get well soon mamu!

P.S:  Dear “KONE” elevators, Fuck you and your technology. Go to hell!

Image courtesy: odalternatives.com

Love marriage ya arranged marriage

The Indian essentials are a little bizarre to understand. We say Hockey is our national game, but watch cricket more, we say Tiger is our national animal and we’ve killed all of them, we say love marriages are better but end up opposing it for our own kids. That said, the debate of love marriage v/s arranged marriage in the Indian context is entirely distinct. There are many reasons behind this. Ours is not a “He tried-she smiled-baby cried” society. Love is the essence of our culture (or we assume so). And above all, we are goaded by the timeless bollywood love tales a little too much. It doesn’t come as a surprise that Raj and Simran are more than just movie characters in India.

Love marriage: It has its own advantages. You are determined to live a life in a fictitious way you’ve envisaged by watching too many bollywood chick flicks. You search off your own path only to discover that the course of love is not an easy trail. You get to spend quality time with her, understand her, you care for her, you are compatible with her and so you love her. Love happens at breakneck speed. But one important thing two people in love miss out to check is the compatibility of your beloved one with your family. We just assume that he/she will be liked by the family just the way you liked him/her. This is where the problem with love marriage sets in. Most of the parents know that the adrenaline rush has made you consider only beauty, lust, attraction and infatuation before saying yes to him/her and the parents fear the sustainability of this love. The foundation of love is strong, only if it is built on trust and not lust. In India, just falling in love with the right person is not enough; you should have the courage to convince your family without which you’ll be in crisis. For most of the people in love, their family becomes an archetypical desperado.

Arranged marriage: On the contrary, arranged marriages are more successful than love marriages. I really can’t fathom the reason behind this. But most of the arranged marriages are done by the folks who’ve inculcated a fear of “what society thinks if we do otherwise”. These types of people get “used to” things pretty soon. Their happiness is confined, limited and bound to certain areas beyond which they don’t want to explore. The fear of Society (it is called Anthropophobia) is what makes people accept things that come their way even though it is barbed. It is this fear that makes the most arranged marriages in India successful. In other words, the success of arranged marriage in India is solely judge on how others envisage it.

 

From Seeta’s Swayamwar in Ramayan to Rakhi’s Swayamwar on NDTV Imagine, we’ve come a long way in transforming the way marriages are held in a radical way. But we are not able to think of arranged marriages beyond caste, color and creed.  What a pity! It makes me wonder how people give more importance to gold than the girl. They take so much of interest even in choosing the color of saree, but they fail to notice if there is a smile on their daughter’s face. 

To me, the only difference is, in love marriage, I’ll love and marry. In arranged marriage, I’ll marry and love. Because, in the end, arranged marriage needs love and care to flourish and prosper. Love marriage needs some arrangements and understandings to be full of life. It’s the essence of love that decides how far you go.; not how you get married.

P.S: This article is an entry for Indiblogger’s Love Marriage ya arranged marriage contest, sponsored by Sony entertainment television. More details on the page http://www.facebook.com/LoveYaArrange

Image courtesy: dishtracking.com and bakadesuyo.com