The Yekkada, The Yennada and The Kannada

It never occurred to me until I saw the Census 2011 statistics. The globalization effect has tampered the vernacular culture of Bangalore dreadfully. Yes..!! Bangalore has taken the biggest hit of globalization. A whooping 95 million people in Bangalore..!!! It was just (?) 65 million in 2001. 30 million more people (that’s 46% increase…!!!) in just 10 years..??? Tragically, there’s hardly any increase in Kannadiga numbers. Local people in Karnataka are a mere 38%. Not sure if the inverse effect of this is seen in California. But I felt bad, really bad.
I’m very certain that we all know about it, fume about it every time the topic arises when we all party at friends place. But the question here is, being Kannadiga, am I doing my least bit to restore the Kannada glory..??? The answer is a confident NO. I don’t know how all my non kannadiga friends will react to this post, but in a desperate effort to save Bangalore from vernacular people becoming minorities, I had to write this.
Change your Slang: Use as much Kannada as you can. Stop showing off by talking in English… At least with chai walas and bus conductors (Trouble an Auto wala instead!!!). For heavens sake, we all know how good our own lexicon power is. No matter how bad you might think your Kannada vocabulary is, just remember that any day you’re better than shivraj kumar or Vijay mallya..!! It’s totally ok to stop being “cool” for some time and chat in Kannada (at least if you know the other person knows Kannada). Rationalize the local words and make them popular. Kannada jargons are cooler, easy to spell and you can relate to it in a better way. Just take a look. Isn't it fun using the kannada slang?

• Dude, Buddy, Pal --- Guru, Maga, Sisya
• Whats up man.. --- Yen kithakta idyo bewarsi
• Bro where are you ---  Anna, yel aaykond tinta idya
• Thats so cool --- Avn ajji, Chindi
• Are you kidding me..?? ---  Namge Halwa na..??
• Get lost --- Right helu
• Thats my girlfriend --- Adu nan Dove guru
• He’s a big liar --- Doddu Olu nan maga

 

Just imagine how many times we all use the word “fuck” in a day. If Kannada Sahitya Parishat can come up with a funky, equally cool Kannada equivalent of the holy F word, then majority of the problem will be solved.
 
Shift all the call centers to UP/Bihar: Yes..!!! In Bangalore, It’s a loser’s last resort. It’s a pre conceived notion that anywhere in the world, if you don’t get a solution to your problem thru phone, then you’re talking to a Bangalorean. Shift all call centers to UP/Bihar and let the world know that things can be worse.

 

Capital punishment for Triple rides: Very effective one indeed. Just imagine… If there is capital punishment for triple (Quardra, Penta, Hexa….) rides, then all our “Kya Ji jis” and “Kya ba ines” might fear of not being able to travel in one bike and stop having 27-30 kids per wife (I’ve heard the number has come down to 17-20). In turn we’ll get to hear less of “Kannada Killers”. Insha allah, Nimduke artha agta idare illa….? (I wish I could imitate here)

 

Leadership changes: Needless to say, Yeddi, his cheddis and Reddys are hopeless. Hence declare Mayawati as the CM of Karnataka. JD(S) and BSP will come up with a combo plan and sell Bangalore to UP. Instead of a slow process, at one shot Bangalore will become North India and Kannadigas, persuaded minorities. Problem solved.

 

The Tongue twister method: I’d been to enquire about a bike to a showroom and the mallu salesperson explained the features to me like this. Soober Ingine, good mile age, Sero to sevendy fi in toenty fi segends. That’s when it flashed to me; it’s fair enough to mandate all the mallus to have a special round of job interview called the “Tongue twister round” to get a job in Bangalore. If a mallu can twist his/her tongue more than 30 degrees, it’s understood that he can potentially kill any language (ingluding SEE & SEE blus blus).

 

I really can’t ask you to watch Kannada movies; you would’ve already seen it at least once in Telugu and once in Tamil. But understand that Kannada ism not confined to just Rajkumar, Vishnuvardhan or Upendra. The real Kannada ism lies in “Kuvempu”, it’s in “Bendre”, “DVG” and many others who’ve made kannada proud. Know who they are. At least, you can avoid making constipation faces when you come across their names.

 

We can see a Rawalpindi in RT Nagar and a Salem in Srirampura. Have you seen one such Kannada colony in Chennai or Hyderabad? Forget Kannada colonies, just say Kannada in these cities, you’ll get responses as Yennada and Yekkada. It’s time we learn from them.

 

But ultimately, it’s all in our hands to decide which one’s good for us. “The Yennada”, “The Yekkada” or “The Kannada”