Men are from SLRs, Women are from selfies

I had read about disasters caused with the whims of selfies, but had ignored it as usual social exaggeration. But after looking at the number of people indulging in selfies in so odd ways, I started realizing that it is not an overstatement at all. I don’t think any other social problem has affected the mental health of tech savvy population as severely as Selfie Obsession. I’m not going to argue if men take more selfies or woman. It is much more than just numbers because both men and women do it habitually these days. Of late, I’ve seen lots of female photographers travelling around with their DSLRs clicking stunning pictures. But photography has remained andro-centric to a large extent. On the other side, selfies are becoming gyno-centric and the female population is over dramatizing it.  With selfies, I’ve seen more occasions of narcissism displayed by women than men. Yeah! I said Narcissism because I’ve seen girls craving for selfies. It has become a decree among the group of teenage girls who endorse it. It has become the symbol of vanity for young women.

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This incident happened in Jaipur’s Jantar Mantar. I was busy trying to capture the best of the monument and beside me was a group of people. The guide, out of pure passion, was explaining the astronomical design principles of Indians in 17^th century and the affluence of ancient Hindu Sanskrit texts used in astronomy.  A lady in the group, out of blues, came to him and said “bhaiya ek minute ruko na please” (which translates to “please give us a minute”) and started searching something in her hand bag. I thought she was about to make notes. But to my surprise, she took out her phone, selfie stick and started taking selfies with other girls. I was shocked! I could not fathom how self obsessed and egocentric could she get. So much sham for just a pic of yours? I could not comprehend the fact that she has travelled thousands of miles to do nothing but take selfies. I just kept thinking; to what extent this selfie craze has rid humans of common sense.

Bipasha Basu with Pout selfie

In the same trip, the perturbation caused to me by my wife to take selfies was so much that my DSLR was just hanging in there for major part of the trip. From then on, I was just trying to keep a tab on things around me. Surprisingly, almost in every tourist attraction of Rajasthan, except the newlyweds and a “couple” of exception, the guys in the groups were trying to experiment with their cameras & mobile phones but the girls were busy taking selfies in whatsoever way. Back at home, when my other friends asked us how the trip was, my wife accused me of not taking enough selfies! By enough, she means posing and clicking until the perfect one is clicked. Her idea of a perfect Selfie is the one which is taken with everyone’s cranky and grumpy expression of utmost annoyance in order to make everyone look sexy and attractive. And if the place of interest is even faintly visible, that is great!

A popular meme on selfie narcissism by women

If you hate posing for selfies, you’d understand this. I don’t know what is more annoying than posing for selfies in public places. Taking a selfie is another thing altogether. At any given point of time, I can either make a face or concentrate. I am still trying to figure out how girls concentrate and smile at the same time easily. Most of the selfies posted on social media according to me is pretence. And the pretence comes with different filters to make it look even more pretence. Selfies by female celebrities with pout has reached all time heights. Damsels posting selfies with taglines like “hating me doesn’t make you pretty” and “phew.. I thought I wasn’t pretty anymore” are pretty common on my Instagram feed.

Posing for selfie isn't easy

I am trying my best not to be gender biased. But just look around and closely observe the female selfie enthusiasts. We all have that one girl in the group who changes whatsapp DP every day. A woman’s make-up time has increased because of selfies, says a survey. Do you know that selfies have sent sale of make-up kits soaring in the UK? Isn’t it is very apparent that selfie obsession can be correlated to all the possible narcissistic qualities in a woman; Vanity, cocky, self admiration and excessively conceited? Trying to be cocky in public places is totally annoying. I’ve seen that they scoff at the notion of Dos and Don’ts and continue taking selfies. The amount of vanity they exhibit… Ugh! Both on social media and real time, too much of vanity is utterly irksome. The internet is full of stories like “people who died tragically taking selfies”, “selfie accidents” and “selfie disasters”.  I truly believe that these are just the consequences of narcissism reaching dangerous levels.

Selfie while driving can be very dangerous!

It doesn’t come as a surprise to me that Russian internal ministry released a “selfie safety guide”. Tourism departments across the world are adding selfie sticks to the “Not allowed” category. I’m not saying that we should stop taking selfies. If you like it, please do it. Occasional selfies are good. Even deviating from the standard social custom and defining your own uber-cool is also acceptable. But please watch out. There are more modest things that you could have done at the moment instead of taking a selfie. Your social media feeds are not for yourself. It is watched by virtuous people too and you need to respect them. Mothers who take selfies everywhere are unknowingly teaching their kids nonsense. Imperfection at times is okay and that also is a way of life. You are not obligated to tell the world, from a restroom, that you look sexy. There are better places to do that. Please be wary and take heed. Because…..

Your self respect is always of a high decorum compared to your Selfie respect. 

Image credits: indiatimes, pinterest and time

Gandhi v/s Indian youth – Why we hate the Mahatma

You might have come across so many in your friend’s circle (May be you are one among those) who always talk ill on Mahatma Gandhi and express their displeasure that he is solemnly responsible for all the ignominy that is happening in India. So much so that today’s youth don’t even think twice before sharing some stupid fabricated posts on facebook that Gandhi was a rapist and other such nonsense. This is not an attempt to correct your views. I’m not taking that big risk. This is my prompt or rather equivocal attempt to at least make you realize that you’re wrong at the very fundamental level of your irrational thinking.

Gandhi and partition:

Jinnah and Mountbatten

The major reason why today’s youth have developed a voluntary hatred for the mahatma is because of the partition. If you think, partition happened only because of Gandhi, you’re off beam. Gandhi never endorsed partition. Please be informed that he died because of Hindu Muslim disharmony. Muhammad Ali Jinnah was the real partition endorser and Lord(?) Mountbatten backed it. Power greed Jinnah along with the Muslim League induced the fear of Hindu domination in Muslims’ mind and came up with a two nation theory. Lord Mountbatten backed it and Indian political leaders accepted the plan.

Gandhi in fact was against it. Very much against it! He was not solely responsible for partition.

Gandhi could have saved Bhagat Singh:

Tribune headlines after Bhagat Singh was executed

Yet another myth why our youth hate Gandhi is inspired by the bollywood biopic's take that Gandhi did not make an attempt to save Bhagat Singh, Sukh Dev and Raj guru. But think it over. Which biopic in bollywood has completely justified the actuality without mutating the truth? They've featured Bhagat Singh in a duet, Milkha Singh romance Australian coach’s daughter.

The movie which show that Gandhi-Irwin pact was blindly signed by Gandhi is total bullshit. It is true that there were differences in Bhagat and Gandhi’s principles. But Gandhi said you can fight oppression without the gun, you can mobilize people without violence. He insisted rebels like Subhash Chandra Bose and Bhagat Singh to take peace path and not piece path.

Gandhi and Subhash Chandra Bose in 1938 congress meeting

Gandhi did whatever he possibly could to save the trio. Lord Irwin, who carried the final authority regarding Christian sentiments of British officials for the Murder of Saunders.

the executions, promised that he would consider Gandhi’s submission. Irwin at one time almost submitted to Gandhi's negotiation. But all the British officers of Punjab threatened to resign and Irwin had to succumb to the prospect of a judicial error and the appeal of the

Unfortunately, Raj Kumar Santoshi forgot to include this part in his screenplay

Gandhi favored Nehru and not Patel

Gandhi and Sardar Patel

It’s not that Gandhi was not aware of this dishonesty done to Sardar Patel by favoring Nehru. But Gandhi for obvious reasons never anticipated that supporting Nehru would prove this costly for India.  He had fully realized that what he was trying to bring about was wrong and totally unfair. In fact, he tried to make Nehru understand that Congress was in favor of Patel.. He conveyed to Nehru that no Congress member has nominated his name excluding a few members. But Nehru was impertinent and made it clear that he will not play subordinate to anybody.

A thwarted Gandhi succumbed to Nehru's pig-

Gandhi, Nehru and Sardar Patel together

headedness and asked Sardar Patel to take back seat. Sardar Patel had great respect for Gandhi and he took out his submission without saying a word. Perhaps, Gandhi wanted both Nehru and Patel to provide leadership to the country. He used his veto power in favor of Nehru because he feared Nehru could cause problems in the way of India’s independence if he was not given the chance to become Prime Minister. Gandhi feared that this would even delay India’s independence and that would cost dear to the nation.

Gandhi on social networking

As I said earlier, almost everyone who post ill on Gandhi on social networks don’t even know Gandhi’s full name. People and groups who share posts that Gandhi was gay, Gandhi had sex with his women ashram inmates and other such rubbish don’t even know a bit about India’s freedom struggle. They don’t keep an independent view of political, spiritual and cultural aspects of life. Most of us ignore such posts, but stupidity is also infectious. You can’t stop more youth from believing that whatever is on the internet is true.

I’m not at loggerheads that what Gandhi did was right or wrong. But we all know that it was in the best interest of the nation. We all know that he was never against the betterment of India and Indians. Don’t we? Most of us Indians will never respect him, that’s fine. But what is really depressing is that we are carelessly spreading rumors about a great man of our own nation who is respected for his deeds, for his preaching and his leadership skills (300 million people listening to one voice is something that we can’t even imagine in today’s world) everywhere in the world.

If not for his deeds, at least we should respect him for his strength of mind, for his integrity, and above all for his purest love for a force called “India”

Marriage hall – A bizarre bazaar

Yet another post about marriage. Honestly, I’ve no crazy idea why I’m writing/tweeting so much about marriages. Yesterday yet another friend of mine went into conjugal bliss. And this time, I want to jabber about the agony that you may experience in a marriage hall; that awkward moment when you really don’t know whether to feel happy for the ones getting married or sense that awkwardness that you come across in the marriage hall. 

Face-off: At 26, I just can’t stop my mind from setting an expectation on the probable honeys and sweeties around.  My eyes will be constantly running algorithms in the front end for a match against my expectations. But most of the times my eyes end up on mirror cracking materials and Asian paint endorsers, and on the other hand – Gold miners from Bappi Lahiri khandan. Yielding bad search results. Even though there are no syntax errors in my algorithm, it couldn’t yield better results because the database itself is corrupted. Sheer disappointment or rather my fortunes.

Flash it on: By any chance, if there’s no television display in the marriage hall, you owe a BIIIG thanks to the almighty. I mean it. Because that graphics you see on television is the most awkward graphics that human eyes can tolerate. If you stare at it for some time, you’ll lose your vision. A little more than that; you’ll put yourself in the grave danger of losing your mind as well. This is what happens: First, the bride will dissolve in from the middle of Niagara Falls and the Groom will join her in lightning speed from a mountain that looks like tundra region; as if the bride and Groom are diehard fans of Edward and Bella. And suddenly you’ll see a man with yellowish teeth gulping pani puri and from inside his mouth both parents will crawl in like some insects followed by bride and groom disappearing to Times Square like a boomerang. And again bride will blossom from inside a flower. Watching this will make you curse Adobe for coming up with flash.

Food for thought: Whoever came up with the idea of taking videos in marriage dining hall should be punished by making him eat until his stomach literally detonates. This is the most hatred part of all the marriages that I’ve attended. How’d you feel if 1000 people are watching live, what and how you eat?  I really don’t understand why on earth some one wants to cherish the memories of how or how much a person EATS! In case this happens in your own marriage, you’ll only end up being disgusted to watch your own marriage video because of the fear of seeing people eating in their own ishtyle (Please consider Indian dining etiquettes here). 

Indian weddings, if done in the way they are actually supposed to; they’re a treat. Weddings are the moments for a lifetime. I’ve seen people competing with other weddings to make it more vibrant, richer and more colorful. I feel sad for them. The richness, culture and traditions of a wedding today are meddled with technology, show off and unwanted opulence. I feel that the whole essence of marriage has taken a phase shift from celebration to flaunt and status symbol. Marriage is no more a marriage.

Just go home and open you parents wedding album. I’m sure you stand by me!

Mall-o-Mall Weekly

Yesterday was total fun. A kick ass booz.. oops bowling at a brand new bowling alley in Orion. No doubt it was a fun filled evening. But being the mango fellow, I also experienced the other side of the shopping mall which is quite ludicrous. This post is all about the darker side that you as a non shopping fanatic may experience in a shopping mall. 

Traffic jam outside Mantri mall, a usual scene

All the enthusiasm was killed even before we entered the mall because there was a huge traffic pile up like 100 mtr even before the entrance. You may get an urge to pick up a facial tissue kept on the dashboard and thrust it into security’s whistling mouth, but we can’t blame him. Poor chap! He is just doing his job. After so much of time, I reached the parking gate only to read “Parking full” sign. I cursed the entire window shopping rebels inside and went to basement 2 and finally got a place to park the car. Walked a mile to find the elevator and talked about how big the mall is. 

As I stepped into the mall, two men appeared out of nowhere and gave me a weird look. For a second, I was confused if I committed a heinous crime. Then they ran their hands through my top to bottom and let me in.  In front of the very first store, one of the man’s hands directed at me, gestured that he’s taking a snap with his dad and mom and asked me to walk away. The expression on his face said “Can’t you see that I’m taking a picture with mom and dad. Get lost”. I started walking briskly in the same direction just to piss him off. I can bet anything on my life: That pic was taken just to put it on facebook. I, JJ and Anil exchanged looks and started contemplating on that pictures future:

41 likes and 27 comments:

• Hey nice! (I know you dumb ass)
• This is Orion Mall.. Correct? (I’m not so vile like you to take my parents to Banshankari BDA Complex)
• Your parents? (No.. I’m doing a CSR event for an NGO and they are some unknown beggars)
• Hey you look a lot like your dad! (Saale, mera baap hai. Voldemort thodi hai)
• Awwwww..!!!! ( by a gal)
• Uncle, you look nice in that yellow tees (Bencho, 1400 bucks I’ve paid)

I felt like IT industries, all malls should ban taking photographs inside the building. This clicking photo interruption happened some 27 times before Navya, Neha and Sam stepped inside ESPRIT shop that had FLAT 50% to 70% discount. I caught view of the obese aunties inside and wondered if they really get anything of their sizes here or they have any magical properties to reduce their bosoms. As usual, neither Sam nor Navya/Neha bought anything. And we collectively decided not to step into any other shop and headed for bowling. 

I tell you, if you are looking for some serious stage performance and theatre talents, then the shoe kiosk in the bowling alley is the place for you to hunt. People act and put so much of scene to wear those shoes, ufff! Even a person with OCD for cleanliness wouldn’t do so much.

And at one side of the mall, there’ll always be some brand awareness campaigns going on. This was a shaving razor brand and guys were standing in queue, only to check out the good looking chick doing announcements. Blimey!

Window shopping inside Orion

And all the Aam Aadmi like me associating the unknown brand names in their own way like Zara – and recalling “Zara Zara touch me touch me” song and giggling passively or Café NOIR – Assuming it is by some Malayali NAIR. Visiting almost all the shops and outlets in there with absolutely no intention of buying anything! If at all, we pay visit to the food court, we end up eating golgappas by paying 50 bucks a plate and silently cry (Yaar bahar paanch plate kha sakte the:( The great Indian rudiment goes on and on.

Houseful KFC

Needless to say, the McD and the KFC in any mall will always be houseful and poor husbands thronging in the queue with their kids cuffed on both hands, struggling to even open their wallets, while their wives are busy talking to their friends on how expensive these malls are and how they managed to buy a pair of tees in Westside. Bechara husbands yaar! I pity them

In the end, the same traffic pile up to get out of the mall; forget all the good(?) times we had inside and cursing the mall for exorbitant parking fees and finally eat happily in a roadside chat stall and call it our day!

For some who do this every week, we shall call this affair as “Mall-o-mall Weekly”

Image courtesy:thenewindianexpress.com, siliconindia.com and pardaphash.com

Love marriage ya arranged marriage

The Indian essentials are a little bizarre to understand. We say Hockey is our national game, but watch cricket more, we say Tiger is our national animal and we’ve killed all of them, we say love marriages are better but end up opposing it for our own kids. That said, the debate of love marriage v/s arranged marriage in the Indian context is entirely distinct. There are many reasons behind this. Ours is not a “He tried-she smiled-baby cried” society. Love is the essence of our culture (or we assume so). And above all, we are goaded by the timeless bollywood love tales a little too much. It doesn’t come as a surprise that Raj and Simran are more than just movie characters in India.

Love marriage: It has its own advantages. You are determined to live a life in a fictitious way you’ve envisaged by watching too many bollywood chick flicks. You search off your own path only to discover that the course of love is not an easy trail. You get to spend quality time with her, understand her, you care for her, you are compatible with her and so you love her. Love happens at breakneck speed. But one important thing two people in love miss out to check is the compatibility of your beloved one with your family. We just assume that he/she will be liked by the family just the way you liked him/her. This is where the problem with love marriage sets in. Most of the parents know that the adrenaline rush has made you consider only beauty, lust, attraction and infatuation before saying yes to him/her and the parents fear the sustainability of this love. The foundation of love is strong, only if it is built on trust and not lust. In India, just falling in love with the right person is not enough; you should have the courage to convince your family without which you’ll be in crisis. For most of the people in love, their family becomes an archetypical desperado.

Arranged marriage: On the contrary, arranged marriages are more successful than love marriages. I really can’t fathom the reason behind this. But most of the arranged marriages are done by the folks who’ve inculcated a fear of “what society thinks if we do otherwise”. These types of people get “used to” things pretty soon. Their happiness is confined, limited and bound to certain areas beyond which they don’t want to explore. The fear of Society (it is called Anthropophobia) is what makes people accept things that come their way even though it is barbed. It is this fear that makes the most arranged marriages in India successful. In other words, the success of arranged marriage in India is solely judge on how others envisage it.

 

From Seeta’s Swayamwar in Ramayan to Rakhi’s Swayamwar on NDTV Imagine, we’ve come a long way in transforming the way marriages are held in a radical way. But we are not able to think of arranged marriages beyond caste, color and creed.  What a pity! It makes me wonder how people give more importance to gold than the girl. They take so much of interest even in choosing the color of saree, but they fail to notice if there is a smile on their daughter’s face. 

To me, the only difference is, in love marriage, I’ll love and marry. In arranged marriage, I’ll marry and love. Because, in the end, arranged marriage needs love and care to flourish and prosper. Love marriage needs some arrangements and understandings to be full of life. It’s the essence of love that decides how far you go.; not how you get married.

P.S: This article is an entry for Indiblogger’s Love Marriage ya arranged marriage contest, sponsored by Sony entertainment television. More details on the page http://www.facebook.com/LoveYaArrange

Image courtesy: dishtracking.com and bakadesuyo.com

Of flirting, love and social media

I never thought that one day I’ll write something about all these. I was a good boy. Social media has made me a wayward. When my friend told me this story of a hopeless attempt by a poor guy to flirt with her, I thought is worth a share. Apparently the guy seems to be suffering from Run Out of Topic (ROT) syndrome and when he couldn’t think of anything, he started off with her contact lenses. The questions he asked were so humorously, amusingly, entertainingly hilarious that I couldn’t help LOLing a 1000 times on office communicator. The chunk of the conversation:

Guy: “Can a person with fever wear contact lenses...?”

(She was mystified by this and couldn’t know how to react.)

Girl: Yes! Fever has got nothing to do with contact lenses

Guy: “If someone punches you in the eye, wouldn’t it be dangerous?

Girl: Even without contact lenses, it is dangerous (You moron)

And then it went on and on and finally she retorted

“Please stop flirting with me or else I’ll ask my fiancé to punch in your eyes and you’ll have your answers”

Life was really beautiful when we used to flirt with a girl, I mean a “real” girl. Today, the social media has fucked things up so much that even flirting has moved to virtual space. Can you believe it? Mr. Zukerberg probably has no idea what’s happening to nice single chaps like me. I feel so lost. This is most common among socially active guys and girls. And the consequences of flirting and love shifting to virtual space, is more heartbreaking than breakup itself. 

      1.    “Look at her eyes” is an old style. Now we can only look at her face book DP, which, like a 1970 hindi movie re released on blue ray, is digitally mastered. No hopes.

      2.    In school, I followed a girl till her home and she complained to teacher about this. Now I’ve learnt lessons and I follow girls only on twitter.

      3.    Remember those days where heroes used to introduce themselves as “Raj, Naam to suna hoga”    and “is nacheez to log Tej kehte hain”. Gone are those days. Today you introduce yourself only on the “About me” columns of the social media which is either copied from somewhere or filled with quotes from thinkexist. Definitely not the true you.

      4.    Just some years back, how much a guy and girl used to talk over bsnl landline (man, it was lovers lifeline) to get to know each other well; know simple things about the other person. Interests, hobbies, about their families etc. Today, from your sexual orientation to relationship status, your interests and hobbies are just a glance away. Bloody hell, your cousins also. Today, we don’t talk. We just type.

      5.    Just imagine your conversation with your girl: How’s your dad: Check out on facebook. How’s your sis: Check out on facebook. Had lunch? Check out on facebook. Where are you now? Check out on facebook. Are you gay? Check out on facebook.Technology has totally changed the meaning of WALL, from a barrier to a binder.

      6.    Thanks to the fast paced life of people who make up using wall posts and breakup using tweets. Talking about true love, it is in the real danger of extinction.

      7.    People used to write such beautiful love letters. Just reading them would make you fall in love. And here I am, unable to think beyond 140 characters at a time (No wonder I’m lost)

      8.    Do you even know that you can poke people without facebook? Try poking your gal the non facebook way.  It’s more romantic than a post with 20,000 likes on your wall. I’m serious

I’m not saying that social network is bad. Of course not. It is required, but just to socialize, to have fun. The moment you take personal things to social network, you make a fool of yourself, in front of everyone. You can tell the world about your changed relationship. But you can’t tell the experience of a tender cuddle on the virtual space. It’s this wholesomeness that indicates love. No social network can ever give you this wholesomeness. One wrong move and you’re caught in a serious emotional clutter and loss of composture. Facebook is already killing all the dating websites. Make sure it doesn’t kill your relationship. 

Image courtesy: time.com, datekarma.com and mismatchmaker.net