Pretentious traffic rules of namma Bengaluru

What defines a city? For some it is a center of a wide area in terms of its length and breadth; and for few others, it is the economy. There are cities defined by their geographies, archaeology, the kind of trade they do and even for its cosmopolitan culture. Do you know there is a city in New Zealand which is demarcated by the Speed of the wind?  There are cities that are defined by the amount of innovation that it has advocated to the world and even by their high-speed expressways. And then, there is our City, which is defined by the magnitude of traffic jams and purest form of assholes giving us nail biting experiences on a day to day basis while we commute. Oh yeah! We are Bangaloreans

Honk

While in your world you honk only to call attention to an accident that may happen, in Bangalore, honking is a way of life. We honk to say Hi, to say Bye. We honk to shift lanes, to jump signals, to notify them that you’re about to break rule, to bully riders, to play tunes of your favorite songs and sometimes even to get attention of the driver who has fallen asleep at the traffic jam. And most importantly, we honk to remind people that the signal has turned green and because our roads are full of high intellectuals who neither understand why the signal turned green nor have patience to wait for a couple of seconds, we honk. Expectations are very high here. As soon as the signal turns green, we expect everyone to take off like supersonic jets within Nano seconds. We are very forward that way.

So we, the sovereign socialist democratic republicans of Bangalore have accepted the pretentious directive that honking for anything is totally conventional and we live with it. God save us!

Bangalore roads - there is neither lane nor discipline

Strategy vs Skills

If you think you know how to drive, that is a myth dude! You’re totally off beam. Just forget all your driving skills. It will anyway be rendered useless. Because what you need is a strategy; a foresight showing a prudent awareness of future possibilities. If a driver/rider is approaching you, you should be able to judge all the odds within no time (except the right one which he never does) and strategize your next move. Remember the CEAT’s “India ke sadkon pe aapko alag alag mahapurush milenge” ad? Every  pedestrian on Bangalore road is a potential “mahapurush” with mobile in hand. Unless you’re a humanoid robot with zettabytes of processing speed, your brain just cannot handle this amount of complexity. That way, Bangalore roads are future ready for robots!

So, we forget all our driving skills and just master the art of prognostication…. To save our lives! 

Pedestrians of Bangalore

Rules

That old “we don’t drive on the left of the road. We drive on what is left on the road” joke is feeble now. Gone are those days where roads were used to dry red chilies, breeding cows and throwing avarekai peel-off on road for a tasty hidkid bele Saaru. Now, six lanes, widened roads, underpass, Metro trains, fly-overs and more importantly BDA’s incredible invention of the century, Magic Box underpass in almost every corner of Bengaluru is a significant example of India’s manifold improvements in the infrastructure front. The only thing which is still awaiting improvement is our motorists’ brain. May be, a holocaust on Bangalore roads is what we are waiting for. I mean it. Excluding a few occasions where we consider abrupt right turns are our birth right and turning left is the only option left, we are following lane discipline. And few surprises by entering the opposite lane is only to educate and prepare you for the unexpected. And overtaking from the left is always cool. No hard feelings there brotha!

On a serious note, haven’t we pretentiously accepted that it is OKAY for someone entering from the wrong lane or one way? What on earth is wrong with us! We make way for wrongdoers and then proceed. Nowhere in the world is driving in the wrong lane, an acceptable behavior. This happens only in Bangalore. Argggghhhhhhh!!!!! 

Magic Box or Tragic Box - By 10th standard engineers of BDA

Potholes and punishment

Bangalore is probably the only city on this planet which does surveys on number of potholes. NUMBER OF POTHOLES! Yes, you read that right. If you meet with an accident due to potholes, Bangalore city traffic police will book a case against you for negligent driving. I am not kidding! (Read it here). Irony committed suicide. But according to our cops, if you cannot manage driving/riding on city’s roads, with potholes as big as manholes, you are an offender. We have raised the bar to astonishing standards yo! A minister even blocks ambulances on road for his convoy movement. And what happened to the patient inside? He got down from the ambulance and walked to the hospital. (Read it here). Whoa! Bravo. The patient’s pragmatism level=GOD. Imagine a minister in western countries blocking ambulance for his convoy movement. He would be sacked the very next day. On the other side, as usual, namma minister got away with it easily, only because WE have readily accepted that THIS IS OUR FATE! 

Two Ambulances stuck on both lanes in Bangalore

The darkness of not following rules, traffic exorcism by cops, the daily bloodshed that BMTC has inherited to its culture is just growing by the day and we continue to accept the mass traffic violations as a NORM! It makes me sad that instead of learning from mistakes, we just get disparaged and learn to live with it. I have lost hopes that government even cares what is happening to its citizens. If you are waiting for the Government or cops to create magic, it is practically impossible. From my own experience, often, there is always that one asshole who did not follow rule, behind a traffic pile-up. In other cases, hundreds of people are waiting for that one guy to break the rules so that they can follow without taking the ownership of guilt. The least we can do is stop being that asshole. And stop your fellow motorists from being that asshole. Rest all will fall in place. 

You change your thoughts and you change your destiny, if not you continue to get stuck in the same traffic pile up. Until we hesitate to act, until we start to follow rules, until we do not stand up against the mass traffic violations, the journey on namma Bengaluru roads is a saga of pain and frustration; nothing more. And it is here to stay…... Because we are pretentiously "tra-fucked".