The Bangalore traffic Handbook

Having been associated with the city for past 26 years, I’ve always been influenced by the fact that Bangaloreans are always a little more sensible, practical and intellectually better off compared to populace of any other city in India. Be it Cricket crowd in Chinnaswamy stadium or your love thy neighbor lending a helping hand when required or even in terms of behavioral competencies; Namma Bengaluru is famous for its “Always in good spirits” people. But until I started driving on Bangalore roads, I was masked off one category of people whose conducts and protocols are exactly the opposite of the qualities described above. Trust me; it’s not a cakewalk to handle people belonging to this category. What’s worst? You can never avoid these people unless stop driving on Bangalore roads.

So here I go. Some proven and tested guidelines which may be of great help for non harassing travelling experience (The “Driving with pleasure” is dead/extinct)

1. BMTC – They’re licensed to kill. So they rule the road. Never take on with them. Just give them way. And stay away 
2.  Bangalore has no super cop is a myth. The truth is that it has 1.2 lakh super cops equipped with three wheelers called Autos. They’ll mock test your driving skills by means of negative testing. For e.g. putting right indicators and turning left, abrupt U-turns, wheelie, stoppie, wheel spin, swift brakes and so many other things which you can’t imagine in your wildest dreams. Be prepared to pass the test (P.S: Nobody has managed to score more than 35)
    
   
3.  Speed breakers: With more than 3000 km of road and an equal number of speed breakers, you actually drive using breaks. Acceleration? What’s that!
4. Pothole and manhole: Very trivial to differentiate on Bangalore roads. Hone your skills to identify what is what
   
5. If you see the road you took just yesterday has turned one way in opposite direction, don’t panic. You’re perfectly normal.
6. If the downpour is heavy, don’t take the roads that have flyovers, underpass, trees, rail over bridges, level crossings and grade separators and electric poles. In other words, stay home.
      
   
7. Gaps between vehicles are actually measured in nanometers.
8. If you don’t have breaks in your car, never mind. But always keep sound horns intact. It’s in fact a good idea to have a backup horn installed so that you can honk both for optimum effect.
9. Two wheelers riding on footpath and pedestrians walking on road is Bangalore’s culture.
     
   
10. The only thing that’s on par with Usain Bolt’s speed is Bangalore auto meter. Have enough cash before boarding an auto
11. Praying to god before leaving home and honking after signal turns green are considered holy for our people.
12. Driving on top gear in Bangalore and Halley’s comet – Both occurs once in 76 years 
13. We don’t care for ambulances and medical emergencies. After all, we’re a small country with a billion people.

Just take care of the above guidelines. Rest will fall in place involuntarily. Happy driving on Bangalore roads

The voice of Sarabjit Singh - a victim of political feebleness

 

Most of you can’t sit next to your own irritating bosses for just eight hours. I did it for 22 long years. I said I was a farmer. But they called me a terrorist. They arrested me for crossing the border. But they charged that I’m a bomber.  I said I’m a stupid common man. They branded me as “Indian Spy”. I told the truth. But they convicted me and awarded death sentence.

I was waiting to hear from my countrymen. But they kept quiet

They kept me in solitary confinement for more than 15 years. I didn’t have enough space in the prison to stand up on my feet. I was chained with iron rods. I never got a chance to see or hear from wife and two daughters for ages. I heard that my sister did everything she could and campaigned assiduously for my release.

I was waiting to hear from my countrymen. But they kept quiet

My lawyers filed mercy plea five times. They collected 100,000+ signatures. They started an online campaign, a UK lawyer (Jas Uppal) came to help me. Some Canadian Human rights group helped me come out of my solitary confinement.

I was waiting to hear from my countrymen. But they kept quiet

They never verified my true identity. They tortured me to confess that I was a terrorist. I said I know only Hindi. They conducted court trials in English. Witnesses changed. Their versions changed. But their decision didn’t.  I was made a scapegoat. They finally decided to release me. But few hours later, they called it a hoax. 

I was waiting to hear from my countrymen. But they kept quiet

I was attacked in central jail with bricks, iron rods, blades and other weapons. I went to coma and was admitted to a hospital. By now I had lost hopes that my countrymen will help me. But this time they broke their silence. My noble countrymen asked them to release me on humanitarian grounds. I felt so happy that my country’s noble babus at least know my name. All of a sudden, I was the talk of the town. NDA condemned UPA that it did nothing. UPA fired back what NDA did during its rule to get him back.

And now that I’ve ceased to exist, I’m freed of waiting for help, I’ve got ample free time to think if I’m really a victim of mistaken identity or an illustration of a country’s political feebleness and folly.

By the way I’m Sarabjit Singh, a farmer from a remote village of India and this, is my story!

Sources: Wikipedia and http://freesarabjitsingh.com/

Image courtesy: ndtv.com