Yahoo! I’m back in the city. The best thing that can ever happen to any Bangalorean is coming back to namma city from any part of Tamil Nadu. Frankly, Till now, I haven’t seen a Hindi speaking Madras-e. Keeping that aside and coming to the point, this time, I am very happy. It’s festive season in my friends' circle. All guys are losing their bachelors and girls, gaining their masters. Yes! All the buddy maklu’s in my gang are getting into conjugal bliss. And my worst fears have always come true. So I’m pretty sure this will happen to me sometime in the (near) future. But for now, I’m more than happy to see my friends crossing the quarter life crisis barrier (didn’t know this even existed, until one of my friend told me about it) happily and entering the zone of “You can’t envisage what”.
Although I couldn’t find anyone, this marriage gave me a great insight into marriages. At the same time, Khamba wrote about Relationship Limbos. Co incidence..??
You can LYAO, ROFL and LOL at it. But, if a bunch of IT guys are in the bachelor’s party this is what we end up discussing: It starts with Windows 8 developer beta and Steve Jobs stepping down as CEO and future of Apple. After sometime, it diverts collectively to marriage. Like this:
1. Marriage is not like your Application Development projects to code, test, deploy and forget. It’s rather an Application Maintenance project contracted for a lifetime.
2. It involves Incidents, Requests and Problems to solve.
3. You must know your error codes before executing your query.
4. You have to impress your clients, no matter how annoying they are (Told by the groom himself :)
5. Emergency fixes, backing out codes and performance tuning have to be done often to prevent it from abending (abnormal ending).
There was whole lot of other things we did. But owing to the great whether and the hopeless party materials you get in Chennai, this is all I could remember. But still, the bachelor’s party was ecstatic (Stop imagining :-)
I had never observed a marriage this closely. I was amazed at the energy levels of all the relatives and friends. With so much enthusiasm, they do all the things. But I’ve no idea why the hell do they forget the Groom. I felt really sorry for him. It is fun going to a marriage. But getting married… OMG! Not easy. No, No, No, No. not at all. And these are some of the bizarre and weird things I observed in the marriage. Read carefully. (Might help you also;-)
1. Marriage is definitely not “He tried, she smiled and the baby cried” story.
2. Never believe in Chetan Bhagat’s collective piece of shit on marriages– 2 States: The story of my marriage. Its more fictitious than he himself could possibly imagine.
3. If you think, your boss is more commanding, just wait for your marriage photographer.
4. Like ‘No break’ movies on Star Gold, you will have to fake a smile, for 2 days without break. Practice it.
5. If you can’t see your hard earned money being spent extravagantly and bountifully, eloping with your girlfriend would be the best option. Consequences at your own risk.
6. The dhoti you wear will make you more uncomfortable than your entire dehydration affliction put together. Please take necessary precautions.
7. If beautiful babes are not expected, inform your buddies, beforehand (We expect this!)
8. You’ll most certainly develop a hatred for music if there is any orchestra arranged for the evening.
9. If you are getting married in Chennai, for Amma’s sake
a) Book an air conditioned convention hall. Else, chances are that all women in the marriage hall will turn black and white. (with their actual color and make up washed out with sweat).
b) Along with invite, give a Kannada to Tamil Rapidex speaking course book.
c) Order catering from Saravana Bhavan (That’s the ONLY hotel in Chennai where humans can eat).
10. Put an end to your thinking that Career, Money and Fun are all 3 things that sums up for your happy living.
11. And above all and beyond everything,
Make sure you understand the 4th Dimension, perhaps the most important of all values– “Relationship”
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