An open letter to Chetan Bhagat

Dear Chetan,

Thank you so much, for you’ve made me realize the “value for money” premise in just 2 days, which my parents couldn’t in 20 years. I’m feeling fucking dejected for spending money on the most worthless object in India. I’m such a loser and never felt this low in my life. Haven’t I purchased your book Revolution 2020, I never would have realized the value of 140 bucks in life. After I saw your book for 86 bucks on flipkart, Damn, I felt sadder than SRK learning that Ra-One is liked by No-One. Thank you for teaching every fellow reader, the value of your worthless stories. 

Who do you think you are..?? An IIT ian turned IIM ite turned writer? That’s like Obama claiming himself as an African Tribe turned US president. Your quitting of Investment banking to be a full time writer is like Sonia Gandhi quitting politics to become a bollywood item girl, creating only more trouble for Indians. Did nobody tell you that excluding five point someone, all your other masterpieces has got nothing, absolutely nothing other than being smeared with rotten dirty bollywood masala shit? Are you sure nobody did?  I would suggest you better work for Sajid Nadiadwala in disguise and write screenplays for him. 

With a prologue as long as your motivational speeches (I’ll come to that later), your love stories are worse than a kannada movie. And when the world has forgotten Subhash Ghai, including Vivek Oberoi, you get inspired from him and feature yourself in all your works. For whose sake.? When the whole bunch of Indian readers are expecting something from you, you come up with this masterpiece of wholesome shit, a dumb fucking, characterless triangular story and give it the title “Revolution 2020” (Thinking of my 140 bucks and crying…). 

You motivated all the students of Symbiosis, that’s great news. It doesn’t mean you put up an advertisement in your website to invite you as a “motivational” speaker. And you say that all your speeches are customized for the particular audience you address. Does it mean you’ve mugged up a speech for every type of audience..?? I just hope not. You studied core technology in IIT, core management in IIM and become a writer only to rant about the need to change the education system in India on twitter and TOI editorial. How dare you do that?

You had all the chances to make it big. NY times quoted that you are making India read like never before. Five point Someone was a hit. You had received enough accolades and fame. If you really had flair for writing and with some brains (I’m not talking about your eating books and puking it on your IIT and IIM answer scripts), you’d have written something real, really real. You missed it, Chetan.

Writing really isn’t your cup of tea. So for fuck’s sake, go back to Hong-Kong and invest your time and effort in your banking domain. Spare Indian readers. PLEASE.

P.S: Having "Bhagat" in your name doesn't make you patriotic hero of India. So stop assuming that you are making India proud.

Image courtesy: chakpak.com