Pro tips for friends who are getting married

I woke up to a whopping 65 anniversary wishes on WhatsApp. A friend who got married just before me celebrated first anniversary which reminded me that it has been almost a year since I lost my bachelorhood. I’m tensed. The “what to gift wife for the first anniversary” trepidation is slowly pitching in (Please text me if you have ideas that has worked). So I’m taking a transient detour from the Tourist In my own city series and writing this.

Frankly, I was very much apprehensive before marriage. Even the thought of post marriage left me with a wicked onset of social anxiety and a weird, unexplainable exasperation. People in my close circle always said that I’m a responsible man and you’ll be alright. But I couldn’t agree a bit. Today, I’m indeed a very happy man. But the transition from being a happy go lucky, careless bloke to a man of responsibilities has not been a smooth ride! I somehow, have successfully reached a position where I can proudly say that “I’m the boss in this house (And I have my wife’s permission to say so)” ;)

With many of my closest friends getting ready for marriage and I being the senior with almost a year of “marriage” experience, have realized that there’s a funny edge to it too. And I firmly believe that there is no delight in owning anything unshared. So here are some of the pro tips to all my buddy maklus who are getting married.

Never, ever say “I have good news”

I once got a chance to represent my company in one of the conferences abroad. Just like any other husband/son; I naturally said “I have good news”. I wasn’t aware of the fact that definition of “good news” after marriage is the “you know what it is” good news in Indian context. When my mom and granny came to know what the actual (good?) news is, they felt so disheartened (is that all… types), that nobody spoke to me for next couple of days.

Make a point in your mind; after marriage, even if you win a lottery worth million dollars or become the CEO of a company, IT IS NOT GOOD NEWS.

Say “YES” to dowry

This is one of the biggest mistakes I did. I was a gentleman (or I thought so) and didn’t even bring the topic of dowry up. Result was devastating. The amount of time and effort spent by me to get my wife some of the basic necessities to lead a happy life; I can write a book on it titled “My Life.. My wife & My Struggles”. Just because I did not stand up for my rights, I had to take a lot of pain.

So friends, never ever say NO to dowry. Don’t struggle after marriage. After all, dowry is for her own good. Don’t have a second thought in your mind and ASK for these basic necessities as dowry.

•     Passport with at least 8 years of validity.
•       Address proof (YOUR HOME only)
•        Marriage certificate
•       Her Bank account transferred to your nearest branch (This takes priority if she’s from another city)

Say it.. If you love your car

For all of us who didn’t have girl-friends before marriage, we all can’t enamour enough of our own car. Well, that’s before marriage story. After marriage, your wife, with the purest intentions of learning how to drive, will whip it like a bullock-cart, whack it and drives it through the mire. According to her, it is perfectly normal because she is learning how to drive. But that’s different. You’ll feel like driving to a lonely place, hug your car and shed tears to the max. But you can’t do this because you’ll have to accompany her too.

Take a chance. Say that you love your car and make her understand that cars at driving school are exclusively made to take all the hits and bumps from women*.

*Consequences at your own risk

Color skepticism

We could recognize a maximum of 7 colors. But after marriage, you’ll see so many shades of the same color that it is pretty normal that you’ll get skeptical and tackle this question to death. “Do those many shades of the same color (especially the shades of PINK) exist in reality?”

You may argue with Hue, Tint, shade, saturation and other physics and chromatic terminologies, but the actual weightage will be given to 99 colors of TVS Scooty and nail enamels. Prepare to lose arguments on ethical grounds, even though you are technically correct.

The matching paradigm

You remember those good old days in college how we celebrated if two of us wore the same “Man U” tees? It seems we were wrong. That is a taboo. According to girls, if two people are wearing the same attire, then it is as humiliating as your country’s Human Development Index is coming drastically down. Not only that; If her hair band is green, then having her vanity bag, shoe buckle, nail color, watch strap and the mobile flip cover also in green is considered high self-esteem.

For your own good, to avoid clash and confusion, accept the matching rationale.

Find an answer

And lastly, Being in IT, this is probably the most difficult question you will HAVE to answer after Fourier Transformations in college days: “Did you marry me or this computer”? Please let me know if the answer you said was considered satisfactory by your better half.

If you learn to handle these “fundamentally” important things, the smaller things like the need for 20 pair of sandals, the need for chivalry, her mood swings and why she is always right will take care of itself. As a great man once said “…And they lived happily ever after is not a fairytale. It is a choice”.

Welcome to the club and I wish you guys a very happy married life.