What defines a city? For some it is a center of a wide area
in terms of its length and breadth; and for few others, it is the economy.
There are cities defined by their geographies, archaeology, the kind of trade
they do and even for its cosmopolitan culture. Do you know there is a city in
New Zealand which is demarcated by the Speed of the wind? There are cities that are defined by the
amount of innovation that it has advocated to the world and even by their high-speed
expressways. And then, there is our City, which is defined by the magnitude of
traffic jams and purest form of assholes giving us nail biting experiences on a
day to day basis while we commute. Oh yeah! We are Bangaloreans
Honk
While in your world you honk only to call attention to an
accident that may happen, in Bangalore, honking is a way of life. We honk to
say Hi, to say Bye. We honk to shift lanes, to jump signals, to notify them
that you’re about to break rule, to bully riders, to play tunes of your favorite
songs and sometimes even to get attention of the driver who has fallen asleep at
the traffic jam. And most importantly, we honk to remind people that the signal
has turned green and because our roads are full of high intellectuals who
neither understand why the signal turned green nor have patience to wait for a
couple of seconds, we honk. Expectations are very high here. As soon as the
signal turns green, we expect everyone to take off like supersonic jets within Nano
seconds. We are very forward that way.
So we, the sovereign socialist democratic republicans of
Bangalore have accepted the pretentious directive that honking for anything is
totally conventional and we live with it. God save us!
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| Bangalore roads - there is neither lane nor discipline |
Strategy vs Skills
If you think you know how to drive, that is a myth dude! You’re
totally off beam. Just forget all your driving skills. It will anyway be
rendered useless. Because what you need is a strategy; a foresight showing a
prudent awareness of future possibilities. If a driver/rider is approaching
you, you should be able to judge all the odds within no time (except the right
one which he never does) and strategize your next move. Remember the CEAT’s
“India ke sadkon pe aapko alag alag mahapurush milenge” ad? Every pedestrian on Bangalore road is a potential “mahapurush”
with mobile in hand. Unless you’re a humanoid robot with zettabytes of
processing speed, your brain just cannot handle this amount of complexity. That
way, Bangalore roads are future ready for robots!
So, we forget all our driving skills and just master the art
of prognostication…. To save our lives!
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| Pedestrians of Bangalore |
Rules
That old “we don’t
drive on the left of the road. We drive on what is left on the road” joke
is feeble now. Gone are those days where roads were used to dry red chilies,
breeding cows and throwing avarekai peel-off on road for a tasty hidkid
bele Saaru. Now, six lanes, widened roads, underpass, Metro trains, fly-overs
and more importantly BDA’s incredible invention of the century, Magic Box
underpass in almost every corner of Bengaluru is a significant example of
India’s manifold improvements in the infrastructure front. The only thing which
is still awaiting improvement is our motorists’ brain. May be, a holocaust on Bangalore
roads is what we are waiting for. I mean it. Excluding a few occasions where we
consider abrupt right turns are our birth right and turning left is the only
option left, we are following lane discipline. And few surprises by entering
the opposite lane is only to educate and prepare you for the unexpected. And
overtaking from the left is always cool. No hard feelings there brotha!
On a serious note, haven’t we pretentiously accepted that it
is OKAY for someone entering from the wrong lane or one way? What on earth is
wrong with us! We make way for wrongdoers and then proceed. Nowhere in the
world is driving in the wrong lane, an acceptable behavior. This happens only
in Bangalore. Argggghhhhhhh!!!!!
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| Magic Box or Tragic Box - By 10th standard engineers of BDA |
Potholes and punishment
Bangalore is probably the only
city on this planet which does surveys on number of potholes. NUMBER OF
POTHOLES! Yes, you read that right. If you meet with an accident due to
potholes, Bangalore city traffic police will book a case against you for
negligent driving. I am not kidding! (Read it here).
Irony committed suicide. But according to our cops, if you cannot manage driving/riding
on city’s roads, with potholes as big as manholes, you are an offender. We have
raised the bar to astonishing standards yo! A minister even blocks ambulances
on road for his convoy movement. And what happened to the patient inside? He
got down from the ambulance and walked to the hospital. (Read it here). Whoa! Bravo. The
patient’s pragmatism level=GOD. Imagine a minister in western countries
blocking ambulance for his convoy movement. He would be sacked the very next
day. On the other side, as usual, namma minister got away with it easily, only
because WE have readily accepted that THIS IS OUR FATE!
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| Two Ambulances stuck on both lanes in Bangalore |
The darkness of not following rules, traffic exorcism by
cops, the daily bloodshed that BMTC has inherited to its culture is just
growing by the day and we continue to accept the mass traffic violations as a NORM!
It makes me sad that instead of learning from mistakes, we just get disparaged
and learn to live with it. I have lost hopes that government even cares what is
happening to its citizens. If you are waiting for the Government or cops to
create magic, it is practically impossible. From my own experience, often,
there is always that one asshole who did not follow rule, behind a traffic pile-up.
In other cases, hundreds of people are waiting for that one guy to break the
rules so that they can follow without taking the ownership of guilt. The least we
can do is stop being that asshole. And stop your fellow motorists from being
that asshole. Rest all will fall in place.
You change your thoughts and you change your destiny, if not
you continue to get stuck in the same traffic pile up. Until we hesitate to
act, until we start to follow rules, until we do not stand up against the mass
traffic violations, the journey on namma Bengaluru roads is a saga of pain and
frustration; nothing more. And it is here to stay…... Because we are pretentiously "tra-fucked".
