Pretentious traffic rules of namma Bengaluru

What defines a city? For some it is a center of a wide area in terms of its length and breadth; and for few others, it is the economy. There are cities defined by their geographies, archaeology, the kind of trade they do and even for its cosmopolitan culture. Do you know there is a city in New Zealand which is demarcated by the Speed of the wind?  There are cities that are defined by the amount of innovation that it has advocated to the world and even by their high-speed expressways. And then, there is our City, which is defined by the magnitude of traffic jams and purest form of assholes giving us nail biting experiences on a day to day basis while we commute. Oh yeah! We are Bangaloreans

Honk

While in your world you honk only to call attention to an accident that may happen, in Bangalore, honking is a way of life. We honk to say Hi, to say Bye. We honk to shift lanes, to jump signals, to notify them that you’re about to break rule, to bully riders, to play tunes of your favorite songs and sometimes even to get attention of the driver who has fallen asleep at the traffic jam. And most importantly, we honk to remind people that the signal has turned green and because our roads are full of high intellectuals who neither understand why the signal turned green nor have patience to wait for a couple of seconds, we honk. Expectations are very high here. As soon as the signal turns green, we expect everyone to take off like supersonic jets within Nano seconds. We are very forward that way.

So we, the sovereign socialist democratic republicans of Bangalore have accepted the pretentious directive that honking for anything is totally conventional and we live with it. God save us!

Bangalore roads - there is neither lane nor discipline

Strategy vs Skills

If you think you know how to drive, that is a myth dude! You’re totally off beam. Just forget all your driving skills. It will anyway be rendered useless. Because what you need is a strategy; a foresight showing a prudent awareness of future possibilities. If a driver/rider is approaching you, you should be able to judge all the odds within no time (except the right one which he never does) and strategize your next move. Remember the CEAT’s “India ke sadkon pe aapko alag alag mahapurush milenge” ad? Every  pedestrian on Bangalore road is a potential “mahapurush” with mobile in hand. Unless you’re a humanoid robot with zettabytes of processing speed, your brain just cannot handle this amount of complexity. That way, Bangalore roads are future ready for robots!

So, we forget all our driving skills and just master the art of prognostication…. To save our lives! 

Pedestrians of Bangalore

Rules

That old “we don’t drive on the left of the road. We drive on what is left on the road” joke is feeble now. Gone are those days where roads were used to dry red chilies, breeding cows and throwing avarekai peel-off on road for a tasty hidkid bele Saaru. Now, six lanes, widened roads, underpass, Metro trains, fly-overs and more importantly BDA’s incredible invention of the century, Magic Box underpass in almost every corner of Bengaluru is a significant example of India’s manifold improvements in the infrastructure front. The only thing which is still awaiting improvement is our motorists’ brain. May be, a holocaust on Bangalore roads is what we are waiting for. I mean it. Excluding a few occasions where we consider abrupt right turns are our birth right and turning left is the only option left, we are following lane discipline. And few surprises by entering the opposite lane is only to educate and prepare you for the unexpected. And overtaking from the left is always cool. No hard feelings there brotha!

On a serious note, haven’t we pretentiously accepted that it is OKAY for someone entering from the wrong lane or one way? What on earth is wrong with us! We make way for wrongdoers and then proceed. Nowhere in the world is driving in the wrong lane, an acceptable behavior. This happens only in Bangalore. Argggghhhhhhh!!!!! 

Magic Box or Tragic Box - By 10th standard engineers of BDA

Potholes and punishment

Bangalore is probably the only city on this planet which does surveys on number of potholes. NUMBER OF POTHOLES! Yes, you read that right. If you meet with an accident due to potholes, Bangalore city traffic police will book a case against you for negligent driving. I am not kidding! (Read it here). Irony committed suicide. But according to our cops, if you cannot manage driving/riding on city’s roads, with potholes as big as manholes, you are an offender. We have raised the bar to astonishing standards yo! A minister even blocks ambulances on road for his convoy movement. And what happened to the patient inside? He got down from the ambulance and walked to the hospital. (Read it here). Whoa! Bravo. The patient’s pragmatism level=GOD. Imagine a minister in western countries blocking ambulance for his convoy movement. He would be sacked the very next day. On the other side, as usual, namma minister got away with it easily, only because WE have readily accepted that THIS IS OUR FATE! 

Two Ambulances stuck on both lanes in Bangalore

The darkness of not following rules, traffic exorcism by cops, the daily bloodshed that BMTC has inherited to its culture is just growing by the day and we continue to accept the mass traffic violations as a NORM! It makes me sad that instead of learning from mistakes, we just get disparaged and learn to live with it. I have lost hopes that government even cares what is happening to its citizens. If you are waiting for the Government or cops to create magic, it is practically impossible. From my own experience, often, there is always that one asshole who did not follow rule, behind a traffic pile-up. In other cases, hundreds of people are waiting for that one guy to break the rules so that they can follow without taking the ownership of guilt. The least we can do is stop being that asshole. And stop your fellow motorists from being that asshole. Rest all will fall in place. 

You change your thoughts and you change your destiny, if not you continue to get stuck in the same traffic pile up. Until we hesitate to act, until we start to follow rules, until we do not stand up against the mass traffic violations, the journey on namma Bengaluru roads is a saga of pain and frustration; nothing more. And it is here to stay…... Because we are pretentiously "tra-fucked".

Why United States of South India (USSI) is a failed ideology

In the last few months, many of my friends shared with me, an online article (and various narrations of it) which demands the creation of a separate country called United States of South India (USSI). The article has gained widespread popularity, thanks to its partial data driven facts and baseless perceptions which will convince any south Indian with limited or no knowledge about the macro-economics of a country or even the political agenda behind it, that this is a great idea. Further, I saw that there are twitter handles and Facebook pages with a large subscriber base supporting this sham. If you look closely, it wouldn’t take a genius to figure out that this is a funded faction. But what really surprised me is the fact that people are falling for such fake ideologies so easily. I was alarmed when the article made it to my family WhatsApp group and to my surprise, my uncles who served in PSUs for 3 to 4 decades fell for this. Few even went a step ahead and started sharing their own perceptions and imaginations of a separate powerful (?) and peaceful South Indian country. I couldn’t believe that educated masses bought this idea at its face value. It didn’t surprise me that liberals are capitalizing on such things. These assumptions and imaginations, can have devastating consequences on the national Unity and has the potential to even destabilize our economy.

Here is my attempt to debunk this dangerous myth that “United States of South India” is a great idea. It is just a fabricated veracity by a certain political wing for personal gains and more importantly, in real, it will be a recipe for the greatest political disaster of the 21^st century. 

The “We-pay-more-tax” belief

The article spoke at length on how Karnataka, Maharashtra and TN pay more taxes to the center and how we are not getting the same back. This is purely misleading people. Firstly, people should understand how the federal structure works. In real, there is no single country on this planet where the fiscal burden is evenly distributed. And this theory is totally flawed because it is dependent on so many factors like geography, terrain, industries, human resources etc. The fiscal burden can never be equally spread across the states. And, not just states, it varies widely and largely from city to city. For example, in Karnataka, Bangalore largely or even in its entirety solely pay taxes to the center, thanks to its IT and manufacturing boom. But, Maharashtra, has Mumbai paying a lion’s share of direct taxes, and there are Pune and other cities too. So, the “We pay more tax and hence we have to get back more from center” rhetoric is unimaginably stupid. 

On the other side, it is more to do with rich-poor gap than states giving taxes and getting benefits in return. Post liberalization era has only widened this rich-poor gap. The government from 2004-2014 had a great chance to bridge this gap by being more cautious of its economic policies. But it neglected this completely and is now busy coaching its xenophobic dimwits to mislead the aam aadmi of this nation to believe that we pay more taxes but do not get anything back. In fact, the current government has done remarkable progress in bridging the rich-poor gap by developing the very neglected regions of the country so that they depend less on us and eventually sustain on their own. Instead of whining, please feel happy that you’re helping your brethren on the other side so that they eventually stop asking us for help. I understand the frustration that there is no immediate returns! But it does not mean that we divide the country into two! Feel proud that we are paying more only to make our country prosper. We are only more powerful as United India. Do not succumb for mislead propaganda like north and south divide.  

Superior Federals

A good friend from a certain communist state always made fun of the political and socio-economic problems on the other side of the country stating that we are superior federals and we use the federal powers to the best of “our abilities”. His focus was always on “our abilities”. By that, he meant South Indians, which he was always proud of. When he was once drunk, he said that there are only five states in India, Karnataka, Kerala, Maharashtra, Andhra Pradesh and North India. My every attempt to make him understand that executive or the financial powers of the states vary with each other and so the fundamental rights of its citizens was in vain. When he told me that during the recent floods in his state, his parents were rescued by army jawans, I asked him “You superior federals do not even have an army of your own that a Jawan from the other side had to come to your rescue”? Finally he got the point. 

I stated this story because there are millions out there with the “we are superior federals” mindset who consider themselves more powerful and self-sufficient in every possible way! Imagine the situation where an Army Jawan says he’ll rescue only people from his state or a surgeon who says he’ll operate only patients from his region. Forget the citizens with this mind-set, our very own chief minister asked in a public addressing “Why should I develop this region. You guys did not vote for my party”. This is the situation in south.

Imagine the situation of South India, if Vajapayee decided to build highways only between Delhi-Bombay-Kolkata and called it Golden Triangle instead of Golden Quadrilateral just because south did not vote for his party. Pay close attention and you’ll realize that this “Superior Federals” theory is something that Liberals are trying to infest with different narratives in innocent minds. Do not fall for it. Love for your state/region/province is very good. But it never should be above your love for the nation. 

A new country is no joke

Have you ever wondered how much did it cost the exchequer when Andhra Pradesh was divided? Just a new secretariat building in Telangana for the government offices to function cost 1200 crores INR. The new capital of Andhra Pradesh is planning to incur a Capex of 51,000 crore INR of which 14,000 crores will be spent on just construction of roads. Extending the existing railway lines of Amaravati by a little more than 100 km is estimated at 10,000 crores. I want you to understand, my dear friend, that the major chunk of this is all your money. If this is the scene of a new state, imagine the cost of building a new country. Carving out a new country is not just about building infrastructure. A new form of government, new executive and judiciary, new laws, intelligence and trade establishments intellect bureaucrats to run governing bodies; all these do not happen on their own. By the time your dream country USSI (United States of South India) come to a stable position that you are expecting, you would probably cease to dream. So, stop daydreaming about USSI. 

Being a true Indian national, your political inclinations and love for your province should only help it develop and prosper. Such disguised assiduous ideologies are not only treacherous in nature, they are gibberish and lead you to believe in claptrap doctrines. Put your analytical thinking hats on and nip the partisanship in its bud! Diversity is our biggest strength. Don’t let it turn into a weakness, because there is always someone who is waiting to capitalize on it.

The Wall - part-2

Please click here to read Chapter-1

Chapter-2

Ajay could not believe what he had just witnessed. He took a step back and gestured Sanjana to come silently and see the horror for herself. They stood at the entrance of the backyard and just stared at each other in shock. Facing the wall, Mrs. Rajeshwari continued the conversation…..with imaginary Sundara Bai. Not just her voice, as Mrs. Rajeshwari switched characters, there were significant changes in her voice modulation, body language and her actions! Ajay had never seen such remarkable biological differences emerging out of the same body. Sanjana was shuddered! All these days, Sundara Bai was just a fictional character. And they did not get the slightest hint of this horror for two long months! They were dumbfounded of what had become of Mrs. Rajeshwari. 

It took a week for the psychiatrist to understand what had happened to Mrs. Rajeshwari. After knowing her early days at Bombay, assessing her medical history, her daily activities and with inputs from Ajay, psychiatrist concluded the case.

Dissociative identity disorder.

The Psychiatrist explained his mother’s case to Ajay.

“DID or multiple personality disorder is a mental disorder characterized by at least two distinct state of being in same person. Presentations, however, are very much variable between the characters.”

“But doctor, how could my mother….”

“There are lot of reasons why this can happen to a person. I believe, in your mother’s case, it is depression. Prolonged suppression of her feelings from a very young age had already disturbed her mind to a very large extent. And the loneliness that she experienced here worked as a catalyst. A tiny spark by Shanta Bai, your maid, is all it took for her to create Sundara Bai in her mind and eventually manifest out of her own body.” 

“Doctor, Can she come out of this?”

The doctor tried to be as assertive as possible.

“If the mind can do this to your own body, it also suggests that there is positively the same potential for healing… Because they are exhibited out of the same mind”.

“Please tell me that my mom will get back to normal”

“Well, most people do. But the timeframe cannot be ascertained specifically. Few get well within months and a few others take years! For the treatment, we’ll put her through a couple of therapies - psychotherapy will improve her mental well-being. Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) which will help her combat the triggers that lead to the manifestation of Sundara Bai. And with a few medications, of course. But most importantly, the supportive care from you is very vital for her wellbeing”.

In the therapy room, where Mrs. Rajeshwari opened up slowly about her loneliness, how it affected her and how she buried her feelings deep inside her so that her son is not distressed, Ajay was standing outside, haplessly listening to the words of love his mother was showering on him even from her subconscious mind. Sanjana’s silence was a reflection of her regretful acknowledgement of what she did or did not do. When his mother talked about her suicidal ideations, he broke down. That was the moment of realization for him; that moment of epiphany which led him to get to the right perspective of what his mother actually longed for. At that very moment, he decided to do all he can to get his mother back to her usual self.

Over a period of time, the therapy sessions started showing results. The medication helped her increase the uptake of serotonin in the brain. She got back to her senses slowly. She started listening to her favorite bhajans. Her medication course was finally over and her circadian clock started functioning at normal schedule.  It took a profusion of time and effort for Mrs. Rajeshwari to come out of it. Sanjana resigned her high paying job and diverted her entire energy and attention for mother-in-law’s well-being. Ajay was equally getting involved in his mother’s well-being.

After a long time, a terrible constraint seemed to settle down. Without quite knowing what had happened, Mrs. Rajeshwari came back to life. Everything had changed. Yet nothing seemed so apparent except the wall at the backyard. Ajay knew that the wall would haunt him for the rest of his life.

Epilogue

Two years later….

The monsoon had just stopped with a mix of burst and lull. It was a very pleasant evening and the verandah was flocked with school kids taking mathematics tuitions from Mrs. Rajeshwari. The cool breeze that blew brought in a wave of freshness and filled the entire verandah. Along with the wind, a book glided smoothly and halted in front of the century teacher with its pages open. She picked it up, glanced through the content and saw the name on the book.

“Tarun, come here. You have done this math all wrong”

“Yes maam”

“If Sundarabai had ten mangoes with her and she gave two to her neighbor, how many are left with her?” 

The insidious disease which slowly poisoned Mrs. Rajeshwari’s life was insanity – Whether it was the insanity of her own delusion or the insanity of snobbery by Ajay and Sanjana is debatable. Neither Ajay’s wild consumerism nor Sanjana’s subjugation helped Mrs. Rajeshwari. Unfortunately, this abandonment of the parents at their declining years has become a savage indictment of almost every modern household of contemporary India. 

Whether it is unreasonable for parents to expect care and compassion in their twilight years or parenthood ought not to be regarded as a liability that children have to repay – Is for us to decide